IRONY

IRONY

  1. a technique of indicating, as through characteror plot development, an intention or attitudeopposite to that which is actually or ostensiblystated.

Remember months ago, you would say things and then mean them (I think)? And now, all your words are just empty and pure rubbish. You would tell me things, just so you would get to see me. Funny now, I am the one saying all those bullshit. And, thing it – you wouldn’t even spare a friggin second of your time! I mean last time, you would accuse H for not sparing a second for me. Ironically, you don’t even spare it for me now. Wow, and you have the guts to come online, reply other people text’s and then leave mine alone.

Ironically, last time you would tell me all the things you WOULD do, truth is – you wouldn’t. Alternatively, now, it is I who is doing all your bullcrap, and doing the things you “would do”. Action speaks louder than words (isn’t that what you said too?) Haha, wasted this time all on you.

Don’t know if I should call this irony or karma. You said “forever”, my fucking ass. Alright congrats then, if your goal in life is to extract revenge or to make me hate you, well you got it. I have nothing but hate for you. Not going to turn back on you. This is the final call, and you’ve caused someone more pain then they already have. What’s unforgivable is that you said you would NEVER do that, or that you’d put me first. Or better still, you’d “love” me forever. Suck a fuck. You’re as good as gone to me. Irony.

~ RAM

I’LL LOVE YOU LONG AFTER YOU’RE GONE

I used to say “you can never control feelings”, and I thought I was right. I thought we had no future together, and I assured you that. But funny enough, it all changed. I found myself thinking bout you – 24/7, every minute, every second of my life. In the past, you’d always be there for me no matter what. But now, I feel like we’ve drifted so far apart, and that i’ve got no one to turn to. I would be proud and say, i’ve finally love you, not the conventional way. In a whole new way, which I’ve never felt before.

Never knew how I would be so affected by it. I used to be your top priority. Now? Where do I even stand? You used to care about me, and had me under your radar. And everything now have changed. You would walked miles for me, and swim oceans. Now, it seems like me doing everything. I put you first, like how you used to. Where do i stand now?

You said you’ll love me forever, but how long is forever? If it’s 3 months +, then that’s not forever. I know, i had did things in the past that might’ve upset or angered you. But guilty as I am, i feel like the tables have turned, and that you’re doing exactly the same to me. I miss us. I miss the times we spent together, and I miss being love by you. You are the first person that made me felt loved, wanted, great, wonderful, hot and needed. And now, you’re all i think about. The ghost of us haunts me everyday, and here i am waiting for your reply. It sucks when I’m the one who wants you now when you don’t even want me anymore. I feel like I should try more, but who am I compared to your other suitors? You can have numbers within your fingers, and I’m just a decimal in your grasp.

I live, breathe and think of nothing but you everyday. The thought of you being with someone else just scares me. I would cry buckets just having a wild thought. I would never reply anyone else’s text until I get a reply from you, but after how many times do I have to prompt you for a reply? And, you’re now doing things like – watching movie, going out and staying over, with/at other people. It kills me to see that the things we used to do, you are doing them with someone else. Someone better. I really want to know where I stand in your life. Am I still important as I was? You said you wouldn’t love anyone the way you did for me, yet you went around seeing other boys. And you talk about true love like you know what it is. I, on the other hand, would NEVER have done that. You get my hopes up each time, and everytime you put me down – I am devastated and nothing crushed my ever more than that. I don’t know why I’m so affected by the things you gave me 😦 Please, have me back on the top of your list. I love you, I love us being together. You were and are my everything.

I’m sorry if I messed up…

~ RAM

DISAPPOINTMENTS

One of the worst things in life. It’s like you’ve been waiting for something for such a long time. You threw aside everything else – your work, me-time, family time, and other stuffs just for this one person. You feel excited and fiend for it as each day passes by. But what’s the worst thing amidst these? All that for nothing.

The person you’d give up all the time in the world for, can’t even put aside themselves for you. Sleepovers are my favorites, everyone knows that, and to wait for it, only for it to be destroyed by a minor (to me) matter, shows how much you mean to someone. What would I expect tbh? There’s so much that could be done, and now, here I am – not having anything to look forward to 😢.

Three days with you would be perfect. Evidently not to you. And you didn’t even try to cheer me up? Like wtf? How little do I even mean to you? I get it that it’s impossible to put aside last minute emergencies – but really? If I could think of million ways, you can’t even think of one. So much for looking forward to this weekend.

Guess it’s true when they say misery loves company huh.

On a side not – MERRY CHRISTMAS! 😃🎅🎄🎁🎆 It was an amazing Christmas this year, no doubt. And, ohh the joy of giving heh 😊👍 Happy holidays, and have a happy new year! PS, not looking forward to school.

 

~ RAM

NIGHT OF RANTS

Hello 🙂

So basically, I’ve gotten a little too overly attached with this person, which some people might already know. But recently… IDK things got a little… Rough. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut, and not say a single thing. I shouldn’t have went for what my heart said. We both know how everything is slowly starting to fall apart. You said you would pick me over the others – how much does your actions show, huh? You always say actions speak louder than words. True, you used to give me your all. You used to be the one talking to me first, making me feel happy. Can you say the same for now?

I understand what you’re doing. We both know nothing can happen between us. Maybe that’s why you left, seeking for someone who’d love you as much as you previously did. What’s crazy is, I don’t know where you stand in my life, or how much I meant to you. But the funny thing is – I am jealous. I have no reasons to be – maybe I just want the attention, after all – that’s all you had given me last time. And to think that suddenly you would just disappear like you had. How is this not going to affect me?

You deserve your own happiness, you found another guy. You claimed not to like him, or down the road. But the world knows what’s deep within. Who’s been on your mind lately? Clearly not me anymore. I’ve lost in this game, and I really hate losing. Never been one who regrets his actions, I regretted mine the day the world stood still without you. You would always put me first – am I still as important? You talk about me like you knew every bits of me, now you talk about him like that. See yourself talking bout him – you are so much happier. 66 against that 52, you can see it. Everyone can. I don’t deserve your friendship/time/attention as much as he does… I deserve my own grief, to be honest. And I really can’t live without you – as a friend. You promised to never leave me ever… 😞

“I’m destined to be alone”

~ RAM

THAT’S HOW A SUPERHERO LEARNS TO FLY

The lyrics have been stuck on my head for these past days – “You’ve been struggling to make things right”, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. This time, this thing really affected me a lot. I didn’t know exactly how much it did – but I removed a part of me. I was really having conflicting thoughts with myself. I denied feelings, and pushed away people who treasured me more than anything… And now, I’ve never regretted anything more than this… And if you still care even a little – this whole post is dedicated to you 🐤

Right from the start, you knew I was broken and scarred – you knew I could never have felt any more hurt than I already had, and yet you chose to make my life a better one. You knew I would never have picked you, and that there are others out there whom I’d admire or talk to, and yet you still decided to fight for me. You knew whatever you do, it’s almost impossible to move me, yet you still did. More than 2 months now, and here you are/were – still having my back. Never knew what I have done in my entire life to deserve you.

No one was ever there for me when I was at my lowest. You build me up everytime I came crushing. For someone so sweet, how can I not fall for? Maybe during that time when we met, I had a pathetic crush – you knew about this, but you were still there for me. I tried my best to push you away, and to convince you to leave – but you couldn’t. Or was it really me who couldn’t let you go? Here I am, fazed with the age old question… How much do you mean in my life? Based on the two biggest arguments we had, you made me realized that there’s no one in this world who would actually hold me back everytime I turn my back on you. You gripped me tighter than a tick, and there I was slipping away… And I’ve finally came up and made up my mind… You meant more than the world to me.

I used to see past people’s flaws everytime I fall for them (twice only, actually), but for you, I’ve managed to accept yours. But what’s all the point now? You’re gone from my life – and now everything feels so estrange. Life’s a blur without you in it, as corny as this sounds, but I do wish I could give you the thing you wanted, or at least the message behind it. I can never make things right anymore, and I’m sorry. Anyway, I’m happy for you, and whoever you’ve met. We shall cut contact, them… After all, everyone moves on from me, I never meant a lot in anyone’s lives ever… 😔

~ RAM

BCR DAY 😴

HELLO ~

26 November 2014, BCR Day for me… Or also one of my most wasted day in my life hah. Hmm… I don’t know what I should write about, but at the same time I wanna update my feed here. Ok firstly, today is just a pure sh!tty day… Been around 5 Starbucks, and neither of them have a working powerpoint, and I’m suppose to do work online (my com died on me :'<)… What’s stupid is that I thought going out to do will be a good idea, hell to the no 😾. So yeap… After talking to some other people (some offered to accompany me), however, I feel that being alone for the day would be better, after all… Never had a “me time” for quite some time 😎. I realized that alone time is hard to come by, especially since I’ve been having piling assignments.

And with 50 friggin minutes left for the next lesson, what am I suppose to do for the time being???? 😩 I’ll just come up with something heh, whatever’s on my mind – directed just for one person. 😒

Ok, so there’s this one person who means A LOT in my life. But, for some reason or another… It doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. I mean, we have no relationship-related status whatsoever… But if I don’t see this person at least 3-4 time a week, it’ll be weird and I’ll feel… strange(?). But then there’s always this thing after some long time of being too overly attached to someone… You’ll feel like there’s always that someone who they’d place above you… And even if their words differ, you know there’s no way you can keep seeing them right? And then you know you’re as good as a nobody when they openly show how much other people means to them. Of course their words would be sweet and they’d deny it… But do you really buy it? They said they’re gonna try their best to push you away, and be less suffocating for you… But how would you feel hearing that? I mean, of course you’ve grown too overly attached you can’t live without them… But did they put in the effort (or at least try)? Rather, they went on and find their other “friends”, when you guys already made plans (they didn’t even bother to ask what’s wrong). So that’s ok… I’ll grow to live without them. 😊

I don’t know why my life is always so depressing haha. Sorry 😦

~ RAM

WHAT ODD

Hello 🙂

There’s always a time whereby you’d look at someone who used to mean the world to you, but then the next time you even think of them, you feel hatred. Not the kind of hatred that makes you angry, but those that tear you apart and wish you’d never hate them. It’s funny how both phrases “out of sight, out of mind” and “absence makes the heart grow fonder” would have a huge impact here.

For someone who you’d been dying to see for months, all of a sudden left you, with no reasons. You see past their lies, and you know that they’re tired of you. They can come up with a million reasons to make you think you’re at fault, but in reality, they were the ones who made you blood turn black. You know it’s only right to blame yourself. But then again, you’re not at fault, not the slightest bit.

There’s no one better than myself, that I finally see. You’re just desperate and in need of someone, someone who everyone would agree is better than me. But looking at it, you can have neither one now, for both of us are on higher levels than you. I used to put you first, now you’re not even here. Sorry to say, but if you think you can make someone feel how you used to feel, then you’re wrong. For I’ve never felt happier or free-ier. Thanks to you.

I used to swim rivers just for you, now they’re as polluted as your heart. Your heart ebbs for someone better, but it pours away and drenches yourself instead. You shattered something you already knew was broken, what further impact is there? Ha. Who’s gonna have the last laugh now? I hope it’s me, for you’re nothing but a joke, and I wish the next time we meet, it’d be your last…

~ RAM
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